Selena's story, I discovered, was very much like mine. She grew up in a white world, wanting to belong. However, it was by engaging in her roots and family that she found true happiness. She was able to be herself around her people, and they accepted her... I figured the reason they were able to love Selena so easily was because she was genuine. Selena was... proud of being an American and a Texan, but moreover she wasn't trying to hide her Mexican heritage either. It was the way she embraced both cultures and embodied the good qualities in both that made her unique. She called herself "Seleena" a very popular Hispanic name, with a little twist. Even more important, she stood by her family and tried to make the world around her a better place. I thought, "that's what I want;" it was not to belong, to fit in, but it was to make my family and those around me, happy, but in order to do that I had to make myself happy and be true to who I was. With Selena my role model, I did just that. Through the next few years I decided I wanted to help those in school that are not "special" by society's standards. Regular C grade, no sports, no clubs-type of kids. In order to do that I became part of the student council, and demanded that all students have the opportunity to access computers, not just the advanced learning students. I figured that if these students were given the advantages that our advanced students possessed then they had the opportunity to better their lives. Our school library was not equipped to allow all students to access computers, only a special select few. Therefore my task at hand was to attain a new library for our school. Due to those efforts, and of many people who supported me, a new library will be opening this year which will allow all students in school to access and be trained in computer skills. While I was achieving success in the community, it was crucial (another lesson from Selena) for me to have the acceptance and love of my family. I reached out to my parents, reinventing our relationship. It took me years of apologizing for being so closed-minded about them, but eventually my family, most importantly my parents, began to see me as the positive person I used to be when I was younger. From then on I'd be there with my sisters at the doctor's office during their pregnancies, to make sure that if they needed any sort of support or translation, I would be there to provide it. Talking to my mother about my dreams of becoming Governor of the State brought us closer, and made us friends. Finally, I had achieved the type of happiness that I had always longed for. And just as I suspected, once you're in harmony with yourself, when you truly feel happy about who you are, success becomes all the much easier to attain and enjoy. Due to my civic and school activities I became part of the Hawaii State Student Council, representing my entire school district. That opened the doors for me to become elected as the only studen on the Hawaii State Board of Education. It was an awesome responsibility, but an even greater honor, to represent over 180,000 students in the State of Hawaii. Most of my accomplishments can be tied to that day that Selena taught me the way to true happiness. After all the success with my family, with school, and with the community, I always turned to Selena as my role model and as my long distance friend guiding me along. I wanted to thank Selena, tell her that she had changed my life, and show her that due to her I had become a better person, but it was impossible. The awful reality hit me, and it was harsh and cold. Selena had been struck throught he back and was never going to open her eyes again, never be able to hear my words, or read my letters. I walked with solitude in my heart for a long time. No one could understand the pain of not being able to tell your hero tht you love them. Not even a glimmer of hope of ever meeting her, seeing her perform. Suddenly, with a brilliant and powerful flash Selena came back to life in front of my eyes by the way of Hollywood. The movie "Selena" opened in theatres in March 1997, and I was there the first day, in the first showing of the movie. I was mesmerized once again. Jennifer Lopez' performance as Selena was electrifying, and erected a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman. After the movie fans began to pop up everywhere, and the internet became their meeting Utopia. I was able to find refuge with fans all over the world, who felt about Selena the way I did. That's when I realized that Selena was more alive than ever, being able to survive death through the hearts of her fans. As long as I didn't forget about her she would never die. I have tried to honor Selena in lots of ways. The most elaborate is in the form of Selenaweb. The website is my pet project. Selenaweb houses the Selena Online Magazine, the way that I and other Selena fans pay tribute to our fallen star. The magazine has become very successful thanks to Selena's devoted fans and the talent that the other staff members bring to the magazine. Selena Online Magazine reports news and stories dealing with Selena, CD releases, and other subjects Selena fans want to know about. At first it was just me on the staff. However, I soon realilzed that there were lots of fans with writing, artistic, and other talents that love Selena as much as I do and are willing to work for her memory. The staff of the magazine has now grown from just me to 14, and I remain as webmaster and Editor-in-Chief of the magazine. In its first issue, the Online Magazine received over 1000 hits. More important than any website or magazine, is the way I choose to honor Selena personally. I lead my life the most positive way I can. I try to love my family, bring some sort of positive force to the world, and try to engage myself in positive activities. I can truly say that now I'm very much unlike that "sophisticated" person that sat in that classroom a couple years back listening to his teacher talk about the death of Selena. I know Selena would be happy with that simple, but positive way I choose to remember her by. I know if I were Selena I would be immensely happy to know that someone's life is a little better just because I lived. |
Selena Remembered |
Copyright 2000 -- All Rights Reserved; No Part may be duplicated without permission from MOCKBA1. Selena Photo between White Roses is Property of EMI-Latin. Photo of Pedro at Mirador de la Flor is property of the Caller Times. Background designed by MOCKBA1 and may only be used with permission. |
Winner: Pedro Haro-Arvizu High School Class: June 1998 High School: Lahainaluna High School, Honolulu, Hawaii College: University of Hawaii at Manoa Outreach College, Honolulu, Hawaii Grant Amount: $500.00 |
Discovering Selena/Discovering Me |
Selena Remembered 2000 Education Grant Winner |
I remember sitting in the front row of my social studies class, patiently listening to my white, blue-eyed surfer-looking teacher. Every Monday he would share with us the week's most important current events, to which I would always pay close attention. I considered myself well sophisticated, and as a sophisticated individual I should always pay attention to the world around me. However the news he would share with the class that day shook any feelings of sophistication out of me and made me realize how truly sheltered I was. "A Texas singer named Selehna... Seeleena..." my teacher began, "was killed last Friday by supposedly the head of her fan club. Selena was a Mexican-American singer and was considered the Queen of Tejano music. Her funeral is set for today in Corpus Christi, Texas." Being that I was Mexican, the kids around my classroom turned to me to shed some sort of light as far as who this woman was. Being that I was an "expert" in everything, I went on to tell them that her name as not "Seelehna" but "Celia, Celia Cruz as a matter of fact" and that she was a singer of Salsa music, very popular in Cuba. As a full-fledged Mexican-American I should have known the difference between Celia Cruz and Selena, Celia being the well known Cuban Salsa singer, way past her 50's. However, I figured that my teacher didn't know the difference between Cuban and Mexican, hence he had made the mistake. I called my mom from the payphone outside after class to tell her I would be late due to band practice, and casually mentioned "Did you hear they killed Celia Cruz?" She was surprised, and said a quick prayer. Afterwards I moved into the bandroom to practice my french horn until the rehearsal began. Around 5:30 PM I came home. "It was not Celia Cruz that was killed," my mom explained as I walked in the door. "It was Selena." "Oh," I responded. "Who is she?" "She is a Tejano singer, she was in a soap opera a while back. She was very young and pretty. Celia is old, and she's from Cuba. Selena is Mexican." I noticed my sisters sitting on the couch watching CNN where they were having live coverage of Selena's funeral. They would exchange little tidbits of information between each ther such as, "Did you know she wasn't Mexican?" "She was actually born in the U.S.," "Did you know she was married to her guitarist?" "Yeah, I heard about it in a magazine last year," and so on. Me and my sister Lily got into a disput when I asked her "How old was Selehna [sic]?" She answered back by saying, "Her name is pronounced Seleena, not Selehna." "That's not true," I replied with a quick comment. "That's just how the Anglos say it, 'cause they don't know how to pronounce it." We continued like that for about 5 minutes. At the end I thought that she was foolish for thinking Selena's name was pronounced "Seleena." Little did I know that she was correct. "Dreaming of You" was heard on the radio, and played across MTV and VH1 just a few months later. Latinos like myself, were gaining attention due to the ourpouring of grief and cash aimed at Selena. Within myself I refused to believe that Latinos could be more than maids and cheese actors. Therefore my own prejudices made me fore Selena and her music away from my CD player. I didn't want to be the sterotypical Mexican, listenting to tacky music riddled with trumpets, or watch those silly Spanish channel variety shows. It was just not me. It was just not what I wanted to be. So I drove "Dreaming of You" and Selena, or anything that was tied with my family background or heritage away from my life. I wanted to be American, a real sophisticated American, not the fake and sleazy Hispanic-American that everyone saw as a maid. No, I was not going to let myself be sterotyped like that... The ironic thing was that in my self-imposed search for sophistication, I made myself more closed-minded. Then again, you could also classify it as a teenager just trying to fit in. I was 15 during that time, and tried my best to fit in with the rest of the kids. My own ways drove me to alienate my family and extort any type of ethnicity out of my life -- all because of the teasing I had endured just a few years before as the "Mexican kid." The "wet back," the "stupid illiterate fool" who didn't speak English. My family having migrated from Mexico only a few years back understood no English. When I started school, I could not understand a single word any of these kids said to me, therefore I was labeled as "stupid." Up until then I was a very happy child. I had an extreme bond with my parents and my siblings. I listed to singers like Selena and sang along. I was proud and happy to be who I was. However, kids are cruel, and teasing can change even the happiest child into someone bitter. Now that I had been accepted, I made myself as hard to notice as possible. I didn't want to be different in any shape, way or form. The Mexican boy in me, that had a bond with his parents as strong as steel, was gone. Now I was the American guy who didn't need his family to survive. I could not have been more wrong though. Selena's life would teach me so. Around 1996, my brother brought home a video about Selena. The video was a low quality bootleg purchased from a music store. Secretly, while everyone was away working in their back-breaking jobs and as I babysat my nieces, I popped the tape in the VCR, purely out of curiosity. Selena's music wasn't played at all during the video. Instead, some cheese low-talent Tejano music was played, which confirmed my suspicions that Selena was a tacky musician. I sat there thinking about taking the tape out as the host of the video began to speak about Selena's community service. "Selena was the spokesperson for the Coastal Bend Aids Foundation, the Toys for Tots Foundation, and taped public service announcements urging battered women to seek help." Could Selena, the woman I considered tacky and unattractive (musically speaking) have actually had depth? It couldn't be, only Americans, white Americans that is, had depth... Not Hispanics. Hispanics were made for service jobs, were crack addicts, and always spoke with a thick accent, and that's about it, but Selena didn't. She was a perfect lady... Selena, instead of reminding me of white women, reminded me of my own sisters and mother. Her unique looks were not so unique if I compared her to my sister; the same curly hair, the same radiant smile. Her humble demure seemed so close to that of my mother's. And her always eminent friendliness was reminiscent of my other sister, Amalia. Yet it wasnot just my sisters, but the humor of my father was alive in Selena. I could go on for days about how she seems to possess the good qualities that my own family members possessed. In that second my attitude changed about Selena, but more importantly, about my family. There were so many qualities that I seemed to like about Selena, all which were the qualities of my own family and even my culture. Maybe my family, culture, or Selena, weren't as bad as I thought. I borrowed my brother's "Dreaming of You" CD and sat down and really listened to her songs. I was amazed at her ability to switch genres with so much ease. "I Could Fall in Love" seemed as genuine as "El Toro Relajo." It was a little hard for me to believe that it was the same girl singing the two songs. I seeked her music, and was alittle proud that a woman with the same background as me was so talented. I began to learn about her life, her legacy, and her spirit. As I learned about her, I learned more about myself. |
Selena's story, I discovered, was very much like mine. She grew up in a white world, wanting to belong. However, it was by engaging in her roots and family that she found true happiness. She was able to be herself around her people, and they accepted her... I figured the reason they were able to love Selena so easily was because she was genuine. Selena was... proud of being an American and a Texan, but moreover she wasn't trying to hide her Mexican heritage either. It was the way she embraced both cultures and embodied the good qualities in both that made her unique. She called herself "Seleena" a very popular Hispanic name, with a little twist. Even more important, she stood by her family and tried to make the world around her a better place. I thought, "that's what I want;" it was not to belong, to fit in, but it was to make my family and those around me, happy, but in order to do that I had to make myself happy and be true to who I was. With Selena my role model, I did just that. Through the next few years I decided I wanted to help those in school that are not "special" by society's standards. Regular C grade, no sports, no clubs-type of kids. In order to do that I became part of the student council, and demanded that all students have the opportunity to access computers, not just the advanced learning students. I figured that if these students were given the advantages that our advanced students possessed then they had the opportunity to better their lives. Our school library was not equipped to allow all students to access computers, only a special select few. Therefore my task at hand was to attain a new library for our school. Due to those efforts, and of many people who supported me, a new library will be opening this year which will allow all students in school to access and be trained in computer skills. While I was achieving success in the community, it was crucial (another lesson from Selena) for me to have the acceptance and love of my family. I reached out to my parents, reinventing our relationship. It took me years of apologizing for being so closed-minded about them, but eventually my family, most importantly my parents, began to see me as the positive person I used to be when I was younger. From then on I'd be there with my sisters at the doctor's office during their pregnancies, to make sure that if they needed any sort of support or translation, I would be there to provide it. Talking to my mother about my dreams of becoming Governor of the State brought us closer, and made us friends. Finally, I had achieved the type of happiness that I had always longed for. And just as I suspected, once you're in harmony with yourself, when you truly feel happy about who you are, success becomes all the much easier to attain and enjoy. Due to my civic and school activities I became part of the Hawaii State Student Council, representing my entire school district. That opened the doors for me to become elected as the only studen on the Hawaii State Board of Education. It was an awesome responsibility, but an even greater honor, to represent over 180,000 students in the State of Hawaii. Most of my accomplishments can be tied to that day that Selena taught me the way to true happiness. After all the success with my family, with school, and with the community, I always turned to Selena as my role model and as my long distance friend guiding me along. I wanted to thank Selena, tell her that she had changed my life, and show her that due to her I had become a better person, but it was impossible. The awful reality hit me, and it was harsh and cold. Selena had been struck throught he back and was never going to open her eyes again, never be able to hear my words, or read my letters. I walked with solitude in my heart for a long time. No one could understand the pain of not being able to tell your hero tht you love them. Not even a glimmer of hope of ever meeting her, seeing her perform. Suddenly, with a brilliant and powerful flash Selena came back to life in front of my eyes by the way of Hollywood. The movie "Selena" opened in theatres in March 1997, and I was there the first day, in the first showing of the movie. I was mesmerized once again. Jennifer Lopez' performance as Selena was electrifying, and erected a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman. After the movie fans began to pop up everywhere, and the internet became their meeting Utopia. I was able to find refuge with fans all over the world, who felt about Selena the way I did. That's when I realized that Selena was more alive than ever, being able to survive death through the hearts of her fans. As long as I didn't forget about her she would never die. I have tried to honor Selena in lots of ways. The most elaborate is in the form of Selenaweb. The website is my pet project. Selenaweb houses the Selena Online Magazine, the way that I and other Selena fans pay tribute to our fallen star. The magazine has become very successful thanks to Selena's devoted fans and the talent that the other staff members bring to the magazine. Selena Online Magazine reports news and stories dealing with Selena, CD releases, and other subjects Selena fans want to know about. At first it was just me on the staff. However, I soon realilzed that there were lots of fans with writing, artistic, and other talents that love Selena as much as I do and are willing to work for her memory. The staff of the magazine has now grown from just me to 14, and I remain as webmaster and Editor-in-Chief of the magazine. In its first issue, the Online Magazine received over 1000 hits. More important than any website or magazine, is the way I choose to honor Selena personally. I lead my life the most positive way I can. I try to love my family, bring some sort of positive force to the world, and try to engage myself in positive activities. I can truly say that now I'm very much unlike that "sophisticated" person that sat in that classroom a couple years back listening to his teacher talk about the death of Selena. I know Selena would be happy with that simple, but positive way I choose to remember her by. I know if I were Selena I would be immensely happy to know that someone's life is a little better just because I lived. |
Pedro Haro-Arvizu at Mirador de la Flor, Corpus Christi, Texas -- Corpus Christi Caller Times Interactive Photo |
